Something farnie

Moving Right Along by Muppets

Movin' right along in search of good times and good news,
With good friends you can't lose,
This could become a habit!
Opportunity knocks once let's reach out and grab it (yeah!),
Together we'll nab it,
We'll hitchhike, bus or yellow cab it!
(Cab it?)

Movin' right along.
Footloose and fancy-free.
Getting there is half the fun; come share it with me.
Moving right along (doog-a-doon doog-a-doon).
We'll learn to share the load.
We don't need a map to keep this show on the road.

(Hey, that song is sounding better Fozzie.)

Movin' right along,
We've found a life on the highway.
And your way is my way,
So trust my navigation.

California here we come, the pie-in-the-sky-land.
Palm trees, and warm sand.
Though sadly we just left Rhode Island.
(We did what?!)
(Just forget it.)

Movin' right along (doog-a-doon doog-a-doon).
Hey LA, where've you gone?
Send someone to fetch us, were in Sasketchewan!

Movin' right along (doog-a-doon doog-a-doon).
You take it, you know best.
Hey, I've never seen the sun come up in the West?

Movin' right along.
We're truly birds of a feather,
We're in this together and we know where we're going.
Movie stars with flashy cars and life with the top down.
We're storming the big town,
(Yeah, Storm is right should it be snowing?)
(Uh, no I don't think so...)

Movin' right along,
Do I see signs of men?
Yeah, "welcome" on the same post that says "come back again."
Moving right along, nice town!
Footloose and fancy-free,
You're ready for the big time...
Is it ready for me?

Movin' right along,
Movin' right along,
Movin' right along,
Movin' right along.

Anger Management

That's today's devotional title "Our Daily Bread"...
Its mentions that its no good to brood over injustices,
To try to set things right on our own,
Or to let our lustful desires determine our decisions.
Submitting to our own desire for pleasure will lead to
"wars and fights" inside us and with those around us...
And sometimes though we may get what we want,
We're left feeling unsatisfied.

Last night a terrible night,
A war raged within me on both fronts...
Those thorns in my mind drilled me,
While I was tempted to call her,
To not trust God in His time,
To act in His place...
I couldn't sleep, as I was tormented relentlessly...
Though I tried stand firm,
I managed to refrain myself from taking the initiative,
But I gave in to my mental torments...
Just so it would leave me in peace, and let me sleep...

This morning when I woke up,
Feeing shitty and all,
I decided to read the Bible passage,
What I read, I understood for I just experienced it last night...

And now as I print my thoughts here,
Slowly, I'm beginning to see all the problems that I'm having-
Mainly the degeneration of my relationship with her,
Basically stems from me.
For example,
I feel the injustice of more expendible compared to her friends,
Or rather she values her friends more than she values me...
I brood over it...
Then I try to set things right,
By confronting her head-on,
Asking her hard questions that are easy for me,
But not so for her...
In the end, we end up having fights with each other...
Though she has given in to me before,
I was not satisfied, because I knew somewhere in her,
She was not happy,
And I was unsatisfied,
Because I did not have her attention completely,
Simply because she had to give in...
This led to more internal conflict between us....
On my part, I wanted more time with her,
While on her part she wanted time for her friends too...
And this was a heart-wrenching time for me,
'Cause to me, that was as good as saying,
"You're boring, you're not interesting enough to hold my attention."

Funny thing about today's passage,
It talks about taking a "time-out",
And use the time to take a walk with God,
One who understands us better than we understand ourselves...
The passage doesn't just leave us blaming
Ourselves for the problems we create,
It gives a solution...
To take a walk with God,
And tell Him about our angers and mullings...
To tell Him our frustrations...

Finally,
the author gave me some peace of mind by saying
that I can ask God to meet my needs,
For He gives "more grace"...
Something that I know for certain,
He does not gives just enough,
But it is in His nature to give till your cup is overflowing...
My needs are simple... Just her...

When anger lingers in our hearts,
It poisons all we think and do;
But faith seeks ways to show God's love
And keeeps our spirit strong and true. - D.De Haan

Cheerios....
I still do not what God has in store,
But this passage may have showed me why...

Passage taken from:
http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb-02-25-05.shtml

God's Working On It!

Yesterday,
She called me... It was a first after such a long time...
Nonetheless, it was very pleasant to know that you're still in her thoughts....

But the call soon went into a downspin,
And instead of being constructive,
It just end up being a little messy...
Last night, she went to a Ladies' Night Bar,
And I went to play basketball, didn't want to think about it...
But still, I would sometimes wonder about her safety and all...

This morning I called her before she left for work,
To see whether we could meet after her work tonight...
All she said was, "See how first, k?"
This usually meant that she'll forget to call,
Or she doesn't feel like meeting up...

Well, actually that's not the end of the whole story...

After that, depression set in...
I cried out to God... Its been a long time since I've done that...
Last time I did that,
Was more than a year ago, just before I met her...
That time I cried out to God when would I find someone...
Today,
I cried out to Him for answers again...
Asking how such a wonderful relationship,
Had degenerated into something totally different.
Asking why had it been allowed to pass...
Asking how can I salvage this,
What does He want me to do?
Does me want me to leave her,
Move on and look for someone new,
Or simply hold on and wait for miracle,
For Him to change her heart?

I thank God for His answer in the most divine manner...
It was then I felt I needed to look for my copy of
"Our Daily Bread"...
But somehow I just couldn't find it...
At that point of time,
I felt crushed, 'cause I thought even God left me...
But just as that thought came in,
A voice spoke out to me and told me to seek harder,
"Ask and ye shall receive, Seek and ye shall find..."
It was then I tried my brother's room,
Lo and behold,
It was next to his bed,
So I took it and read today's passage...
First thing I saw was a name of a girl, "Melissa"...
And when I saw that, I cried, and I couldn't stop...
I cried and cried and cried...
For I know at that point of time I knew God understood my pain...
You see,
"Melissa" (Not my gf's name) was the name of the author's daughter.
I know of her because the author had been writing about her before.
Melissa passed away in a car accident.
This was an entry from a parent that lost his daughter,
And how he tells his readers to praise God in all adversities...
I lost it, 'cause I felt God reaching out to me once again,
This time through someone who has experience
Losing a loved one, in this case a more severe manner...
After that,
I heard God telling me to trust in Him and in His ways.
To trust that what He has blessed me with,
Was not a stone, nor a snake...

⁹“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7:9-11

And that I needed to let it go,
Submit it completely to Him and let Him work on it...
For if I choose to handle it,
It would only become more complicated...
Just trust in Him to settle the situation.

¹¹ "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you," declares the LORD"
Jeremiah 29:11-14

How true...
When I came to realise He had a plan,
Only did I call upon Him and pray to Him,
And He has done what He has promised,
And He has heard me....

I do not know how things would work out,
But I know its for the better,
Simply because "God's Working On it!"

Think I'll make that my coin-phrase from now on...

Have a blessed day people....

HOW?

How is it that she seems to have no sense of attachments at all,
After being in this relationship for so long?

How is it that she craves for the attention of her friends,
More than the one who loves her?

How is it that I feel so bloody terrible inside,
And she doesn't seem to share the same sentiments?

Its days like this when I think about how much fun she's probably having,
Now that she doesn't have me around
Since I've always been giving her the sense of guilt,
I feel absolutely crap about it...
Am I being normal,
Or am I too self-centred and the entire problem lies with me?

Could some kind soul passing by please enlightened me?
Really appreciate some advice...
It'll be better if you're a Christian brother...
Cause' I think I'm being obnoxious, but still feel wronged at the same time...

Argghhh... Think I'm sick...

Went to the bathroom twice today...
Having diarrhoea...
Must be my mom's breakfast...
Also, my nose feels like its an open tap!
Running like crazy!!!
Good thing I didn't go for work today...
Otherwise...
Let's just say things would be messy!

Its a new day... A new chapter... Singlehood...

Here I Am Here I am - this is me I come into this world so wild and free Here I am - so young and strong Right here in the place where I belong It's a new world - it's a new start It's alive with the beating of a young heart It's a new day - in a new land And it's waiting for me - here I am
Written by:
	B. Adams Gretchen Peters Hans Zimme

Inspiration...

That song was one of my fav' song whenever
I am downcast and out...
It reminds one that
Whenever a new chapter in life starts,
Its like being in a new land,
A new start...
Where I belong? I hope not...
Rather, certainly not...
Though I'm trying to accept the change in my life,
I know for certain that I cannot embrace singlehood fully...
I never liked being alone,
Perhaps that explains why I needed her more than she needs me...
Ah well,
Its a new world, a new start...

Aftermath...

Called her today to remind her to suspend her line...
Apparently, some jerk had to steal her phone from her bag...
Feels really weird...
She still calls me, "Dear..."
And I so want to say the same thing,
But somehow, the word just doesn't come out!
Strange but true...
How I wish things were back as they were...
In the end, I just called her by her name,
Really feel bad about it...
Cause' I dunno how she's taking it...
Don't want her to feel I now love her less or anything,
But this is a break...
How does one take a break,
And still let the other party know that the feelings
Are still as strong?
We've taken a break from each other,
Trying to work out things within ourselves...
But its so hard...
Really feel like a jerk now...
Feel like taking a vacation for the next few weeks...
My bloody clientele situation is also a mess...
Everything things is in such chaos...
But at least , I'm no longer paralysed by my grief...
Starting to move on,
But the progress is slow....
Somehow, my guy pals found out about through my blogs...
Dun know which one of them actually bothers about such things...
Didn't want them to know so early,
Cause' I didn't really want to repeat the story...
Really drains my energy and my spirit everytime
Someone asks me about it...
Sorry guys... Will tell you about it in time to come...
Will be fine...
Don't worry... There's no way I'll swallow 60 pills...
Dun have such a big mouth... =)
I just need time by myself for a while...
Still miss her a hell lot...
Being separated from her like this is really uncomfortable...
Take a pilot for an example,
After getting so accustomed to flying in his jet for so long,
And then dropping the bomb on him
By telling him his grounded for life due to whatever reasons...
I doubt he'll be able to take it too...
There's this ache in my heart,
That's kinda throbbing a little still...
But don't worry, I'll live...
3 months is no joke....
Many ppl tell me its a lost cause,
And even though she might return then,
Things would have changed btw her and me...
It'll just be an empty shell...

I know the possible outcome of those scenarios...
But let me be the fool again...
I'm trying to keep the faith here...
Thanks...

Why did He let His Son die?

To those reading this, I suggest you read my earlier entry
To orientate yourself, otherwise it'll not make much sense!

Some might think badly of Him...
How could He have allowed His Son to perish?
Allow me to paint a picture:

One day, after the Fall of Man...
God on His throne knew there was only one way
To save His beloved creations...
That was through the death of His Son.
And when Jesus came to know about it,
His love for the Father, compelled Him to
Sacrifice himself for us... His creations... Mortals...
This was a scene of Perfect Love...
Between God and man...
Father and Son...
Jesus and man...
A sacrifice is not a sacrifice,
Unless the victim is the willing party...
And so Jesus sacrificed Himself for us,
So that we may gain eternal life through him...

Some may say,
"What's the big deal? Its only for 3 days!"

When you truly love someone so deep,
And when you have to let them go....
Even for a day it hurts...
One cannot even begin to imagine the pain,
Unless one experience it...

If you are a father,
Imagine I come up to you and say,
"Let me clobber your kid,
Nail him up on the cross for all to see,
Naked and bruised, head to toe,
Pierce a spear just to check if he's dead,
For the good of all mankind...
And after that, I'll revive him somehow!
Don't worry, its only going to be for 3 days!"

Would you let me do that? Do you have the heart?
If you feel that pain reading that,
Imagine what God had to go through...

On the Lighter side... The Great Fool...

He is the biggest Fool of us all!
And who is he? Let u guys in on it later...
Some things he's been doing...
He knew that should he begin the relationship,
The other party would let him down...
Break his heart,
Grief him so badly...
No matter what he does,
It never seem enough to satisfy the other,
Never enough to please the other,
Never enough to have love reciprocated the way he loved!
Yet, he still chose to love...
People often ask him why,
But seldom he'll find somebody who truly understands...
In fact, it'll take a lot of trials for his friends to comprehend...
What a fool he is! We all say...
Why bother? We all say...
"True love" is when you love and are loved in return, they'd say...
His only reply would be, "Then you do not know love at all..."
One wonders who is he? I'll tell you!
He is none other then God!
He loved his people so much, he sent his beloved son to die for them...
To save them from eternal death,
But what did he get in return? Nothing...
His love was not returned in kind,
Only a handful did reciprocate... me excluded...
Before yesterday, I had always deemed Him a fool too...
But now I know better...
"True love" is when you love out of your own free will,
It is a choice to love even though
It hurts...
It is illogical...
It is not reciprocal...
Basically, its unconditional...
Its a lesson only yourself will learn...
And its something you cannot express with mere words...
It takes more than that...
Perhaps, even the heavenly language cannot fully express
The full extent of the meaning of the 4 simple words... LOVE...
Only God can...
And being made in His image,
We have the privilege to bask ourselves in this gift...
Truly,
" Greater love has no one than this,
......that he lay down his life for his friends."

May I add, even though not all will reciprocate it...

Emptiness...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
That's all there is... an empty void... cold dark void...

How apt...

She's always on my mind,
from the time i wake up
'till i close my eyes
she's everywhere i go
she's all i know
'Though she's so far away
it's just keeps getting stronger every day
and even now she's gone
i'm still holding on
So tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
that if you really love her
you've gotta set her free
and if she returns in kind
i'll know she's mine
But tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go

Why i live in despair
'cause wide awake or dreaming
i know she's never there
and all these time i act so brave
i'm shaking inside
why does it hurt me so...

heaven knows...

Never knew this would apply to me...
Know some of you might think its cheesy...
Let's see how you'd do if you were in my shoes...
So bugger off...

"Fear"

Fear: fîr
1. To be afraid or frightened of.
2. To be uneasy or apprehensive about: feared the test results.
3. A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.

I'm afraid. Truly frightened.
Though with many assurances, I still am powerless to shake off this overwhelming dread.
I fear my choice today, will mark my colossal loss. An epic greek tragedy.
Given the plight that I am in, how else would one make an wiser alternative?
I chose to let her go. Let her free.
Hoping that she'll return, for thence both will know we'll be together for certain.
But now I fear, fear that she may not return.
Fear that someone else, may exploit this vulnerable period.
Fear that we may not be as close as before.
Why then did I chose so foolishly?
Only so that one could learn the lesson of "loss" and the meaning of "cherish".
One could never learn of one without the other.
Therefore, I chose to risk it all, but only to find myself suffering at the end of it all.
Though, she asks that I only trust her,
I find that its an uphill task with no end in sight.
Everyday and night I battle my doubts with what I know of her, and yet that is not suffice,
For I am an insecure sentient mortal.
I have traded a "diamond in the rock" with God,
Now I know not whether I'll get in return a polished jewel,
Or nothing at all,
Nothing but a lesson to be learnt.
If that were so,
I'd rather be sad with the rough,
Then with nothing at all...

"Today"

Tis a dark day today...
Today is the day I made a choice...
A choice that would change many things...
Set in motion, events beyond my control and my knowledge...
Everyday, we make decisons that have similiar effects, so what's so special...
Today, I feel that as if half of me has died.
Today, I have no more tears left in me.
Today, I am alone...
Today, I ached...
Today, against logic and sense, I broke up with the only one I love...
Today, I am anxious of what tomorrow may bring...
Today, I am truly afraid...
Today, I face my greatest fear again... Loss...
Today tis' a dark, dark day indeed...