Anger Management

That's today's devotional title "Our Daily Bread"...
Its mentions that its no good to brood over injustices,
To try to set things right on our own,
Or to let our lustful desires determine our decisions.
Submitting to our own desire for pleasure will lead to
"wars and fights" inside us and with those around us...
And sometimes though we may get what we want,
We're left feeling unsatisfied.

Last night a terrible night,
A war raged within me on both fronts...
Those thorns in my mind drilled me,
While I was tempted to call her,
To not trust God in His time,
To act in His place...
I couldn't sleep, as I was tormented relentlessly...
Though I tried stand firm,
I managed to refrain myself from taking the initiative,
But I gave in to my mental torments...
Just so it would leave me in peace, and let me sleep...

This morning when I woke up,
Feeing shitty and all,
I decided to read the Bible passage,
What I read, I understood for I just experienced it last night...

And now as I print my thoughts here,
Slowly, I'm beginning to see all the problems that I'm having-
Mainly the degeneration of my relationship with her,
Basically stems from me.
For example,
I feel the injustice of more expendible compared to her friends,
Or rather she values her friends more than she values me...
I brood over it...
Then I try to set things right,
By confronting her head-on,
Asking her hard questions that are easy for me,
But not so for her...
In the end, we end up having fights with each other...
Though she has given in to me before,
I was not satisfied, because I knew somewhere in her,
She was not happy,
And I was unsatisfied,
Because I did not have her attention completely,
Simply because she had to give in...
This led to more internal conflict between us....
On my part, I wanted more time with her,
While on her part she wanted time for her friends too...
And this was a heart-wrenching time for me,
'Cause to me, that was as good as saying,
"You're boring, you're not interesting enough to hold my attention."

Funny thing about today's passage,
It talks about taking a "time-out",
And use the time to take a walk with God,
One who understands us better than we understand ourselves...
The passage doesn't just leave us blaming
Ourselves for the problems we create,
It gives a solution...
To take a walk with God,
And tell Him about our angers and mullings...
To tell Him our frustrations...

Finally,
the author gave me some peace of mind by saying
that I can ask God to meet my needs,
For He gives "more grace"...
Something that I know for certain,
He does not gives just enough,
But it is in His nature to give till your cup is overflowing...
My needs are simple... Just her...

When anger lingers in our hearts,
It poisons all we think and do;
But faith seeks ways to show God's love
And keeeps our spirit strong and true. - D.De Haan

Cheerios....
I still do not what God has in store,
But this passage may have showed me why...

Passage taken from:
http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb-02-25-05.shtml