this story of my life...

almost 4 years ago i met the most wonderful person
we (in my opinion) had the bestest times...
from spending our valentines' day at the beach
with nothing but a bag of chips, 2 cups noodles,
2 thermoflasks and a bunch of mosquitoes for company;
to the Euro Cup 2004 where she helped me won my xbox...
from strolls by the beach to cheap dinners at BK...
i loved her...

unfortunately, one year later we broke up...

we planned on entering uni together,
but i couldn't even make it into smu,
where we were supposed to wind up...

she went to nus and me to sim...

couple of months later she met her then beau...
(now the ex i heard)

and it has been 2 years since...

god knows how many bfs have passed since then...

why am i writing this here & now?
well, as for as friends are concerned,
this blog doesn't exist, as for the second qns
i am not entirely sure...
but i think i am still holding out for her...
rationally, i know that the person i once knew,
no longer exists...
i guess the clip below pretty much
sums up what i am hoping for...



this is the show that got me thinking about relationships
back in my younger days...

the hope of finding someone,
and to grow up and grow old together with her...
someone that you cared so deeply for that nothing
can ever change that...
and having that person feel the same way...
i've always longed for that...
and for the longest time i had hoped that,
one day she would come to me and speak the words
topanga said to cory..."that i understand now..."
i'm not perfect, i just am passionate for her and
cared for her more than anything else...

but look at me now...

i'm a quarter-ian with a unrequited love...
(if that is the right word)

"they live their lives and come
out of their little houses,
and they see the sky,
and they know God's protection and love...
that everything will be alright..."

and Cory's gem-like response that resounds my own,
just that he managed to put into words...

"how do you expect me to see good in anything
when i feel so bad in here?"

what can i say?

frankly i don't even remember how i came about this
series on youtube... much less this episode...
when i was younger,
i used to think that i've fallen for a on-screen actress...
but now as i look back,
i realised it was the character that i fell for,
and that i hoped to find myself one day in the
shoes of Cory...
for the brief-est of moments i did
when i was with charlotte...

and no girl since, had i felt that way for...

God's protection and love huh?
i have no idea how that works...

3 years since we split,
and i still miss her...

time did its best numbing the emotions,
but once in a while they still come back....
usually during the nights with the stars out to play,
and that's when you realised how lonely you feel despite
the people that are around you....

will i ever find someone again?
will i love her as much as i know i could?
will she loved me as much that she considers herself "taken"?
questions that i do not have the answer to...